Thursday, January 19, 2012

Embarrassing Situation Narrowly Avoided

Anyone who knows me or who has followed my blogs long enough knows that I'm a pretty open book.  I'm like one big walking embarrassing moment after another and I'm usually pretty willing to share it.  If I don't do something to humiliate myself each day, my kids find a way to do it for me.  Yesterday's moment?  Well, that was all me.
One of the joys of pregnancy is that I get to pee in a cup every single time I go to the doctor. Don't be too jealous, folks. There is nothing classier than a woman who is approximately the size of a small satellite trying to pee into a cup the size of something meant for a Barbie tea party.  Anyway, I digress.
This doctor likes to have a sample from first thing in the morning after an overnight fast. Okay. I can do that. No big deal.  Yesterday morning I got up, got my sample ready,  got Liam off to school, woke up Aiden and the other kids, and got them off to school as well. It sounds simple, but getting that many kids up, dressed, fed, packed, and out the door WITH shoes and coats on is often easier said than done.  
Finally, after they were all off on their buses, I only had Drezden left to get to pre-school before rushing to my appointment.  I hurriedly packed his backpack, got all of my things together, and loaded into the car.  I dropped him off with his backpack and rushed off to my appointment.
When I arrived at the doctor's office, I realized to my horror that something was missing. My cup of pee!  Seriously?!? Where could it be?? And then I remembered the morning and even more horror washed over me. Drezden's backpack!!! How on earth could I possibly have left a cup of pee in my kid's backpack!?!?!? It was discreetly wrapped in a bag, but what if the teacher opened it?  What if she thought it was something other than pee and tried to serve it up as apple juice?  What if...?  Well, let's not even got there. 
I did my appointment, told the nurse where I thought the sample was, and provided another one all the while wishing I could get out of there and go get Drezden before something awful happened. I debated calling the school and telling his teacher about the mix-up, but what if she hadn't checked his bag?  What if, by the grace of God, I'd managed to leave it somewhere else or something?  Then I'd have fessed up and looked like a freak for no good reason.
Anyway, I finally make it to his school to pick him up and the teacher says "Oh! Drezden's main teacher put some paperwork in his backpack.".  Aaaahhhhhhh!!! She's been in the bag!!!  I grabbed his bag and looked. My bag wasn't in there. Had she found it and kindly thrown it out?  Oh my gosh! Did she find it and think it was a beverage??  I had to get home as soon as possible.  In my life, I've never prayed so hard to find a cup of pee sitting on my kitchen counter.
Finally, after what felt like a lifetime, I made it home.  My heart was racing as I ran in the door. There, sitting on my table, was my bag with my extra special little sample.  I've never been so relieved.  
So there you have it, folks. No matter how crazy or embarrassing your life gets today, just know that you didn't accidentally forget a urine sample and have to spend the whole morning worrying that your four year old was carrying it in his school backpack.

Time For Updates? I Should Say So!

Shame on me! I've been so busy being knocked up that I haven't taken the time to blog.  Well that is sure to change. There are lots of updates and funny stories to tell, and by golly, I'm going to tell them.  Little by little, of course. I'm amazing and everything, but I'm not super human.  Well, mostly not super human.  Until I have time to tell each individual story that needs to be told (and there are some doozies!), here are the updates.

  • Baby in my tummy is a GIRL and she's doing GREAT!
  • Liam turned three and is going to school full time and doing awesome at it.  His new implant surgery went well and is considered a success! Oh, and he's in Sunbeams at church and no one has killed him yet. Amazing!
  • Byron's company is going through some big scary changes, but we feel like we'll be fine. We always are.
  • Christmas went remarkably well. We simplified it this year and the kids had a great time.  We learned that the game, Don't Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus, can lead to great sibling rivalries (more to come on that story!).
  • Aiden is busy, busy, busy with his drama club rehearsals. I imagine he'll be the best monkey Alladin has ever seen.
  • CJ is loving cub scouting and hasn't accidentally shot anything...yet.
  • Rachel has turned into the ultimate drama clean. Enough said.
  • Drezden is cute as ever and talking a ton.  He may be shy, but he's learning to hold his own.
  • Liam. Well, Liam is Liam. He's wild and crazy and messy and...well, perfect.

Okay, so those were boring updates I know. More to come very soon.  I promise! No really! It's true.