Sunday, March 18, 2012

The Things You Learn

After five pregnancies, I've learned a few things.  This pregnancy being my sixth has taught me even a few more things.  Never being one to keep my mouth shut, I feel it's my responsibility to share my knowledge with everyone else.  You can all thank me later.

My Top Ten Facts of Pregnancy Life:

10.  Girl scout cookies totally qualify as a well-rounded breakfast.  And lunch. And dinner.
9. Hormones will make an expectant mother cry at everything. Literally. Everything.
8. Shaving legs is the ultimate display of love.  You have no idea how challenging it is to reach all those spots let alone see them.
7.  With each pregnancy, the bladder gets weaker and weaker. Never make a pregnant woman laugh too hard unless you're willing to mop the floor or scrub the couch she's on. Also, laughing at her for peeing her pants will make her cry.
6. Looking at a pregnant woman in horror while exclaiming, "Holy crap! You're huge", will either bring about a punch in the face or inconsolable sobbing. Or both.
5. Chasing an escaped dog up the block to bring her back home is pretty much impossible. It's pointless to try. Crying over the escaped dog is much more productive.
4. Chasing an escaped Liam up the block to bring him home is pretty much impossible, but is legally required. It's probably more productive to cry over the escaped Liam, though.
3. When a pregnant woman tells you she's feeling short of breath and like she might pass out soon, she's not kidding. No, seriously. She means it.
2. Completing a grocery shopping trip in your third trimester is equivalent to climbing Mount Everest with a 300 pound man on your back.
1. Those cups doctors want you to pee in are WAY too small for a pregnant woman and she is 100% guaranteed to pee on her hand. Every. Single. Time.

Friday, March 2, 2012

I Am Officially a Blogging SLACKER

Who knew getting pregnant with my sixth baby would slow me down so much?  Put your hands down, people. It was a rhetorical question.  Anyway, I can't believe how far behind I am.  I'm hanging my head in shame.  There's LOTS to tell, and I'm not crazy enough to think I can do it all. Instead, I'll post highlights from my facebook time line. At least I have that to jog my memory.  I did this on the hearing loss blog for posts that applied over there, too. It's just easier for now.  All that said, I promise to be a better blogger. Really.

I should add that the baby is a GIRL! Did I already announce that? Maybe so. I'm a walking brain fart these days. At any rate, she appears to be a healthy and very active little thing. She's wreaking havoc on my body, so I hope she's cute.  Anyway, on to the fun little updates.

January 17:
I don't want to freak anyone out or have people thinking the world is coming to an end, but Liam just put poop in the toilet instead of on the walls. IN THE TOILET, people!!! Could it be that we're nearing potty training and finally an end to the constant poocasso moments?!?!

February 2:
After Rachel's hearing test today, I took her upstairs in the hospital to see where the new babies are. There were tons of sweet, tiny, squishy, wonderful babies there. Rachel was impressed until she remembered that I have to have surgery to get the baby out. I'm not worried about it at all, but she is apparently very upset at the thought and has vowed never to have babies. Ever. I'm good with that.

February 8:
Aiden doesn't want to do chores, so I'm making him cut fresh garlic, onions, and vegetables for our turkey and vegetable chili for me instead. He's actually doing pretty well if you don't count the teary eyes. He's making a mess, though. Wait until he finds out he has to clean it up, though.

February 10:
Drezden was excited because he got to eat "Barbie Chicken" at school today. I think he means B-B-Q. Now he's trying to help me mate socks by putting them on his own feet to decide if they feel the same. Add that to his blue toenails and the fact that he woke up face down in a candy coma on Rachel's bare bed wearing a pair of her panties with the word "Princess" across the backside and I'm a little concerned. This kid has GOT to stop hanging out with his sister and get some guy friends.

February 13:
CJ finally lost his tooth last night that has been dangling for almost two weeks. Of course, he lost it in the middle of the night so the tooth fairy didn't make it and he's disappointed. Not to worry. The tooth fairy e-mailed his teacher to explain that she can come tonight if his room is tidy enough. He will be dying to come home to clean it. Everybody wins, right?

February 14:
Liam got off the bus today and promptly sang about three verses of Wheel on the Bus AND WE UNDERSTOOD HIM!! He added the /p/ sound at the end of beep and carried the tune. This was about the best Valentine we could ever have asked for. For a kid who just a couple months ago could say about 4 understandable words, this is really big. Little miracles happen each day.

February 15:
Our dog (who isn't very big) has a squeaky rubber chicken that she loves to play tug or fetch with. When she plays with Drezden, he just holds it and lays on his tummy. The dumb dog gets hold of the chicken and drags Drezden across the floor. Drezden thinks it's great fun and Byron and I enjoy the cheap entertainment.

I finally had a chance to sit and really look at the profile picture we got of the baby today. She has the same exact nose, mouth, and chin that Drezden has. The tech. also mentioned being able to see a dimple in her chin like he has. That means she's going to be stinking CUTE!! I'm a little excited.

I just found a letter in CJ's bag that a piece of his artwork was chosen to represent his school in a county-wide showing in Saint Charles and will be on display for the next month. Holy cow! The kid didn't even mention it to us.

February 21:
Fun Little Liam Update: He took me by the hand and walked to the refrigerator and said, "I want open". I opened it and he said "I want cheese". He was delighted that I understood and gave it to him. Then he said "Open please", which I gladly did for him. His speech is still mushy and a little hard to understand, but those are complete sentences, people! Complete sentences from the child who could barely put two sounds together to form a word six months ago. Never doubt miracles, my friends.

February 24:
I came home just in time to realize that I managed to run about a dozen errands with my maternity jeans on backwards. That, of course, included going to all the kids' schools. I can no longer mock CJ for his pants being on backwards.

My dog's only goal in life is to be best friends with the cat. Unfortunately the cat's only goal in life is to see the dog dead. This is obviously not going well for either one of them.

February 29:
Poor Liam stole some bologna fair and square from the fridge when I wasn't looking. He was proudly running away with it when the dog snuck up behind him and took it from him. It was the last piece in the house. Poor kid was crushed. Byron saved the day and brought more home for him to steal tomorrow.

March 2:
Me: Drezden, you are so cute! (He was eagerly cleaning the living room to earn a starburst).
Drezden: Oh, yes! I know I am. And I'm a rockstar, too. 
Apparently humility isn't one of his strong suits.

I was on the phone with my friend, Taffi, bragging about how well behaved Liam has been all afternoon. He's been cute and helpful and stayed out of trouble. As I was mid-conversation, I realized I had no idea where Liam actually was. Turns out he was in my room breaking a brand new bottle of nail polish all over the floor while painting his face with 24 hour lipstick that won't come off until at least tomorrow morning. Figures.  He also unfolded about four loads of neatly folded clothes waiting to be put away in that time. It was less than three minutes!!!!

So, that's all the updates for now. I'm setting a goal to be a better and more consistent blogger. We'll see how it goes.