Sunday, November 18, 2007

And I Thought I Had Parenting Woes

I haven't had much to talk about lately. I'm irritable, or at least that's what my kids tell me. At least I have a legitimate excuse. This kid is STILL inside me. I'm okay with that, though, because I have to actually deal with him when he comes out. Anyway, I haven't had much to say because I've been so busy being grumpy.

All that changed this morning when I got a message from my friend, Lee. Man, does she have parenting problems. Actually, it's more like pet parenting problems. You see, her cat is a tramp. A hussy. A Tom Cat's dream come true. Worse, she's also a kitten factory. This cat just had a litter four months ago. Guess what just happened again this week? You guessed it. Another litter.

Now, I know Lee. She's a good mom. She has morals, ethics, and values. How could her cat have fallen so far from the straight and narrow path landing in a den of iniquity forced to wear a scarlet letter and shame the family forever? Was she on too much catnip, and just slowly lost her way? Was she angry that her litter box was never quite fresh enough and felt the need to get back at Lee for it? Does she have low kitty self-esteem and can only find personal joy and satisfaction in the temporary moments of mating? Did Lee and her family just not scratch behind her ears enough?

Really, asking question after question isn't going to solve the problem. The damage is done. The kittens are here, and Lee's cat has no idea who the father could possibly be. We are considering calling the Maury show. He is always doing paternity testing, and may be Lee's only hope in getting any kind of kitten support for all these babies. Who is going to pay for the litter, the food, the water, and hopefully the Spay and Neutering of these kittens?

We have some ideas who the daddy could be. First, there's Al Cat. He's always lurking around dark places, hanging out in dumpsters, and is a generally unpleasant fellow. I'm not sure he's washed behind his ears in ages, but all the females think he's all that and a bag of Friskies. Gross. He swears he can't be the daddy because he was in the litter box that night. Whatever, Al. That's what they all say.

Tom Cat could also be a possibility. He just roams the neighborhood not really bothering anyone, but always sort of fluffing his tail when the pretty females come by. He always has a look in his eye like he's up to no good. He swears it can't be him because he was neutered once already. I'm sure he thinks that means he's out of the woods, but my friend, Amy, got pregnant after her husband got neutered. And, yes, her husband is the daddy. So, it's entirely possible Tom could be the daddy.

Then there's Morris. He basically keeps to himself. He thinks he's going to be famous doing cat food commercials, and is always trying to show off for the females and is offering them copious amounts of Friskies and Meow Mix. He probably laced it with catnip so he could have his way with them. He swears he was picked up by animal control and was in the pound the night the kittens were conceived. Likely story. I just hope he's not the daddy, really. What kitten wants to grow up with a daddy in the pound? Poor little kittens.

So, we're still waiting to see if Maury contacts us willing to do a show about Lee's cat who seems to have gone astray. Hopefully we can find out who her baby daddy really is and put all this behind us. Oh, and maybe Maury will help contribute to the fund to get Lee's cat spayed. I'm not saying Lee is condoning this behavior by giving her birth control. She's just doing what she can to make sure no more kittens are brought into the world.

Until we do hear anything, is there anyone out there who wants a fatherless kitten from a good home for their kids for Christmas?


Lee said...

ROFLMBO! You are funny. My cat is quite trampy. Would you like me to send you a trampy cat for Christmas?

Melissa said...

LOL!!!Thats funny!

Melissa said...

LOL!!!Thats funny!

Anonymous said...

You rock!! That is hilarious. Just what I needed to start off my day!!