Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Apparently not everyone got the courtesy memo

Okay, I know I can be slightly irritable when I'm eight months pregnant. Okay, that may be an understatement. There are men on death row who cry when they hear I might be around. That said, let's look at a few things that may be contributing to my wrath. People! Rude people are the few things that contribute to my current mood.

Since no one has apparently ever taught these people about common courtesy, I've taken it upon myself to do so. This post will remain here for a while, so those of you out there in cyber space who are contemplating saying something totally rude can come back and review the rules.

The first rule of thumb is to remember that I am NOT a walking pet. You do not have permission to walk up to me and stroke my belly before ever even telling me your name. It's not like I'm a public park. If you feel the need to rub something, go to the pet store. There are some snakes there who get very little physical attention. Leave my stomach alone.

The next rule is please think before you speak. Women who are roughly the size of a small planet don't need reminders from strangers or family members about how big we really are. We are sore and tired and nothing fits us anymore. It doesn't help us when you walk up and say, "You are so HUGE!! How long do you have left? What?! That's forever. You're going to be a whale!". Let me tell you something, people. Our bellies are not the only things that are suddenly changing. Our boobs have ballooned into something even Hooter's girls don't want. We have vericose veins in places we didn't even know veins existed. We don't sleep well at night. We have stretch marks that resemble maps of New York City. We DO NOT need you to point out what else about us is not as it should be.

Another very important rule: Do NOT ask us what we're naming our unborn children if you aren't 100% sure you have something polite to say about it. I had three dirty old men ask me what I'm naming this baby while sitting at a table near me. I told them, and they proceeded to reply, "Oh no! I wouldn't do that if I were you." Then, they carried on a very loud conversation about it. Newsflash, men! I never asked your opinion. I chose this baby's name with love, and I'd appreciate if you'd shut your mouths before spewing forth something so rude that I'm forced to unleash my wrath on you.

I'm sure there are more rules I'd like to share with you. But, this is a good start for now. Spend some time getting to learn them and live them. You will thank me later.


heidi and tom said...

What IS the name? Or are you keeping it a secret until number 4 makes his grand appearance? We always have a few names on hand and then see what the child "feels" like. It's definitely NOT chosen based on how they "look" because heaven knows that changes a lot. I'm excited for you! I don't think Tom and I will ever make it to 4, but just as well. Lots of loves,


AimeeTheSuperMom said...

E-mail me so I have your addy. I don't like posting my kids' names, but I will gladly tell you what it is. It's cute, I think. The King had a dream that we gave him this name, and it just has stuck. We can't picture him with ANY other name.

Dawnyel said...

I like the name...as long as it hasn't changed since the last time you mentioned it....
I have to apologize for the rude people of the world...I'm afraid if I ever met you IRL,I'd IMMEDIATELY pet your tummy....yes, I'm one of THOSE people!!