Sunday, October 24, 2010

Memo To Aiden

Dear Aiden:
While I understand that you know everything there is to know about life since you are a whopping ten years of age, allow me to share with you a few important tips for life. Consider it a little tool to help you survive until your 11th birthday.
First, let's talk about the "cool guy" grin you feel the need to put on your face every single time I take a picture of you. You're a handsome kid. Really. You are. Why do you need to do that weird grin that makes you look like half of your face is paralyzed? You know that saying that suggests that your face could potentially freeze when you're making a less than attractive look? Let's just assume that is the truth and not do that anymore.
Now let's move on to your hygeine habits. You are not allergic to water. Showers really are your friend. They make you feel all...well...clean. Clean is good. Really. It is. Dirty results in things like body odor, fleas, ticks, and the bubonic plague. I understand that you live a very busy life, but I'm going to need you to make room in your daily (or weekly at the very least) schedule for a shower. If not, I'll be forced to do what I did tonight and "help" you shower. I don't particularly care that you still have your clothes on. A little extra shampoo goes right through your clothes and causes you to get moderately clean. Also, showering with your clothes on leaves me with a warm fuzzy feeling because I know you're finally changing your underwear. (That's another thing we need to talk about later.)
Okay, I think those two big tips are probably a good start for now. I look forward to more attractive photos of a less stinky you.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

lol It will never get better till he finds a girlfriend and then you will be fighting him because your water bill triples from all the showers that he takes! Good luck