Thursday, January 31, 2013

Tough Choices

It's a fact of life. Sometimes we have to make difficult choices that we don't want to make. I'm not talking about the choice between mint chocolate chip or brownie sundae ice cream (pick both!!) or whether to wear our super cute jeans with our super cute sweater.  I'm talking about those really tough choices that life puts in front of us.

Byron and I have been having to make those choices lately. Money is tight. We have six kids. One needs another cochlear implant. Two have dental work they need.  One keeps growing and going naked isn't a choice (although she's super cute and squishy, so surely no one would mind...too much).  Medical bills need to be paid. Tummies need to be fed.  So, we have to make a choice.  Do we sacrifice some of those needs so I can keep staying home, or do we send me back to work?  After a lot of thought and consideration, we think it's best that I find a job to help us catch up on the bills and meet the kids' needs.

We've been blessed so far. Things have fallen into place such that we have all our basic needs met.  We have a safe, warm home. We have healthy food in our tummies. We have clothes on our backs. Those are the most important things.  The thing is that we need to bring in just a bit more to insure that we can maintain those things.  I've decided to be a consultant for doTERRA, and that might help a little bit (and it's a whole other blog post. Who knew those oils could do so much????), but we also need something consistent.

I found my "dream job".  It's exactly what I would choose to do when I grow up if I could do anything.  It is a position coordinating services and working with families who have children with varying levels of disabilities. I would LOVE that job. It's my passion, and I think I'd be good at it.  The trouble is the hours. It looks like they're open until 6pm. My babies need me home much earlier than that after school, so I'm not sure my dream job is all that much of a dream.

I've found some jobs teaching pre-school, which I've done in the past and was very successful at.  We have to weigh the options on that one.  Will I be too drained at the end of the day to give anything to my own children?  It's a tough call.  I found an assistant director position at a pre-school as well. That might be a little bit better. 

I think that the job we're looking most closely at right now is as a paraprofessional in a special ed. classroom. It isn't as glamorous as the "dream job" and probably won't pay quite as well.  It would, however, allow me to be home when my kids get home and it would give me the same vacations and days off as them. I'll take less glamour for more time with them.

So, now we wait. We have to see if anyone even calls me in the first place.  Hopefully I get some interviews and then offers. Either way, I feel a sense of peace and calmness that this is what we need to do.

I put some prayer into it. I don't like praying out loud because I always feel dumb when I hear myself. Last night, though, I was able to let my guard down a little bit and just really have a chat with my Heavenly Father. I told Him what my needs are, what my fears are, my goals, and what I want to do for my family.  I prayed for each child by name and with a need specific to them individually. I prayed for Byron and his specific needs.  It was probably my best prayer ever because it was just me talking to Him.  That felt good. It wasn't mind-blowing and didn't yield some huge epiphany about what I should do, but it felt good. It felt peaceful.  It felt like I have someone in power on my side making sure I make right choices.

Now, I just have to wait. Hopefully, when the time comes, the answer will be clear and there won't be nearly as many tough choices to make.

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