Thursday, May 5, 2011

Mama Said There'd Be Days Like That

I know a lot of my readers (I say that is if I think I have many readers, ha!) come to this blog to read about my life and feel better about their own. I'd say that's fair considering that my life is truly Grand Central Station all the time. That, and the antics that happen in our house are funny. I'm actually grateful for the fact that I can look at life and just laugh at the way it turns out sometimes. In fact, even as we speak, Liam is roaming the house terrorizing toilets completely in the nude. Yep. It's true. I imagine you're wondering why I'm sitting here blogging while he wanders naked, right? Well that's a fair question and the answer if very simple: I'm all out of duct tape. That's right. All out. It's gone. Kaput! Without duct tape, there is really no way of keeping his diaper on. For that matter, there isn't much hope of keeping his pants on either.

Anyway, Liam's current obsession with nudity isn't the purpose of this fantastic entry. The main purpose is to once again remind others that life could be worse. Really. It could. In the last 24 hours, I have experienced all of the following incidents. You'll note that most of them were brought on by Liam, but all of my fine young heathens angels had their fair share of creative contributions. Here you go. The list of events that represent my life in the last 24 hours is as follows:

1. One 1-pound unopened box of elbow macaroni opened and dumped over the entire kitchen.
2. Two fully loaded stinky diapers emptied and smeared anywhere that certain naughty little fingers could reach.
3. Five hotdogs devoured and promptly exploded into the above-mentioned diapers.
4. The removal of a two year old from my dishwasher occurred well over fifteen dozen times.
5. Rachel stole Drezden's toy. CJ stole Aiden's remote. Liam stole Drezden's glasses. Liam stole everyone's everything. Drezden pulled Rachel's Barbie's hair. ( I realize those are all several different things, but I counted them as one thing because that helps make my list shorter and minimizes how awful it all sounds on paper.)
6. The crib was rendered useless as a containment device for a two year old.
7. Three beds were wet...and not with water.
8. One bathtub's contents was systematically emptied onto an upstairs bathroom floor.
9. A fence gate was left open leaving opportunity for the dog to go wandering throughout the neighborhood.
10. It was discovered that chairs could be moved and used to climb up and reach just about anything, which led to the discovery that there really is no "safe place" for anything we don't want little people to get hold of.
11. Death defying leaps from crib rails were made and survived...barely.
12. Multiple walls were decorated with important creative mediums such as crayons, pencils, markers, sidewalk chalk, and poop. What? I already mentioned the poop? Well, it's disgusting enough that it deserves at least two mentions.
13. At least two plates were thrown and broken. They were the ones that are supposed to be "smash proof". Maybe that company should meet my kids before they make promises like that.
14. Jellybeans were removed from the hair and ears of one child, and just from the hair of another one.
15. Three lost wii remotes were found and promptly lost again.
16. Dinners were made and rejected followed by tears of hunger pains because "there's nothin' to eat in the whole house".
17. After an entire school day and dance practice, it was pointed out that one of the small humans was wearing her shirt backwards.
18. Five bags of trash were taken to the trash can...and it wasn't even a deep cleaning day.
19. An entire package of oreos was mysteriously consumed, but no "not me" is the only one fessing up to eating it.
20. Naps were neglected in exchange for hours of whining, crying, and systematically destroying.

If, at any point, you read this list and things weren't spelled out clearly enough feel free to let me know. I'm happy to expound. In the meantime, I'll be waiting for the laundry fairies to come, the personal chef to start cooking and organizing the kitchen, and for calgon to take me away.

1 comment:

gracie said...

Aimee, I'm staring at a rather huge roll of duct tape here, if you haven't been able to replace yours yet!