I'm Finally Learning To Let Go

Mindy Rayne was born three weeks ago tomorrow.  I know. Where is the birth story?  Well, it's coming.  Really.  It's actually one of the more exciting birth stories of any of my children, so I'm eager to write it all down before I forget it.  It's a little challenging to find time to sit down and really write it the way it deserves to be recorded because all of the kids (yes, that includes Liam) are out of school for the summer and Byron is back to work. That means it's just ME at home with all the little monkeys.

As much as I want to write down Mindy's birth story (she's PERFECT, by the way!), I want to record something I've learned over the past few weeks mostly for my own benefit. Maybe someone else will learn from it, too.

Here's what I've learned:  When a mom has a new baby, a few special needs kids, everyone at home, and a million chores to catch up on, it's impossible for her to make things picture perfect all the time. It can't be done. Is this common sense to some?  Yes, and it should be to me too.  On paper, I get it. But, in my head, it just doesn't always add up. I can't let go of the idea that someone might come over and see things out of place and think to themselves, "See? I knew she couldn't do it all.  She's a crappy mom all the way around.".  Or maybe someone will decide to help by offering a play date. Most moms would jump for joy at the idea, but my twisted brain goes right to "Shoot! If I do a play date, the other mom is going to write it down and remember that I owe them a play date, and I just don't have any room on my plate for that right now...and what if my kids are heathens while they're on a play date?  Then other parents will know I'm a complete failure as a mother."  Yes, I am completely neurotic because anyone who has ever met a single one of the amazing people I call friends would know that NONE of them think that way.  Still, I have this goofy idea of how things need to be.

So, if a mother isn't willing to let others help, but the chores still need to be done, and the Liam still needs to be managed, what is that mother to do?  Well, she is forced to let go of the idea that SHE is the only one capable of doing things. Guess what?  Byron is able to run the washing machine and load the dish washer!  Aiden can be a great helper, too. For that matter, all five of the big kids have things that they can do to help out.

In the past three weeks alone, I've done the following things to take some of the burden off my plate:
1. Allowed Byron to help discipline the kids more rather than thinking it always had to be me.
2. Taught Byron how to sort clothes and run the washer. He's also learned where all the kids' clothes go.  (Yes, I've always done it on my own because I was convinced only I could do it "right")
3. Taught Aiden to wash his own clothes.
4. Shown Aiden how to use the oven and follow simple food prep instructions.
5. Set up chore charts that all the kids are actually eager to follow and been consistent about requiring them to do their jobs. We split them up by morning and evening jobs to break it up for them a little bit.
6. Taught CJ how to load the dishwasher.
7. Introduced Drezden to how the broom and dust pan work.
8. Taught the three biggest kids how to keep Liam safely entertained. This is the biggest one.  It finally occurred to me that each sibling plus Byron and I could each take 15 minute blocks of time being in charge of Liam. This provides him with a variety of activities, keeps him safe, doesn't burden any one person, and teaches all of us what it means to literally be our brother's keeper.
9.  Learned to look away.  Just because the kids don't do things exactly my way or leave them looking like a hired maid was here doesn't devalue their contribution to the family and household.  If I can learn to let them do their personal best and accept that as good enough for now, my work load gets dramatically cut.

So, laundry is almost totally caught up, only dishes from this morning remain in the sink, Liam hasn't ruined anything, the lawn is mowed (way to go, Aiden!), the kids are happy and feel successful, Mindy is fed (I really am the only one who can do that for now :) ), and we're all okay.  There are still "off" moments where I'm not sure this ship isn't sinking fast, but those are fewer and fewer.  I still wake up in the morning and take a deep breath dreading what is in store for me, but my fears have been generally proven unfounded.  And, the kids are going on occasional play dates that I'm coming to realize no one expects me to repay in the immediate future.

So, there you have it.  I've taken a deep breath and a giant leap of faith and I'm finally learning to let go.

Choo! Choo! Riding the Potty Train!

Liam is ready to potty train. He stays dry most days as long as we take him to the potty every couple of hours.  I can't complain there.  This weekend, his school has asked us to work on the pooping part. Okay, I can do that.

This afternoon, I am letting him run around in just a pull-up before we graduate to underwear in the morning.  What could go wrong with that, right?  With Liam, really anything is possible. I'm not sure how I should feel about what I just saw.

Should I be more concerned that I just found him happily peeing in the dog's water bowl or the fact that the dumb dog drank it before I could get it all cleaned up?  Do you call poison control for a dog who just drank pee?  Beats me. She doesn't seem phased by it, though.  I will say it's very clear that Liam has remarkably good aim. Now if we could just get it out of the kitchen and into the toilet, we'll be doing well.

The Things You Learn

After five pregnancies, I've learned a few things.  This pregnancy being my sixth has taught me even a few more things.  Never being one to keep my mouth shut, I feel it's my responsibility to share my knowledge with everyone else.  You can all thank me later.

My Top Ten Facts of Pregnancy Life:

10.  Girl scout cookies totally qualify as a well-rounded breakfast.  And lunch. And dinner.
9. Hormones will make an expectant mother cry at everything. Literally. Everything.
8. Shaving legs is the ultimate display of love.  You have no idea how challenging it is to reach all those spots let alone see them.
7.  With each pregnancy, the bladder gets weaker and weaker. Never make a pregnant woman laugh too hard unless you're willing to mop the floor or scrub the couch she's on. Also, laughing at her for peeing her pants will make her cry.
6. Looking at a pregnant woman in horror while exclaiming, "Holy crap! You're huge", will either bring about a punch in the face or inconsolable sobbing. Or both.
5. Chasing an escaped dog up the block to bring her back home is pretty much impossible. It's pointless to try. Crying over the escaped dog is much more productive.
4. Chasing an escaped Liam up the block to bring him home is pretty much impossible, but is legally required. It's probably more productive to cry over the escaped Liam, though.
3. When a pregnant woman tells you she's feeling short of breath and like she might pass out soon, she's not kidding. No, seriously. She means it.
2. Completing a grocery shopping trip in your third trimester is equivalent to climbing Mount Everest with a 300 pound man on your back.
1. Those cups doctors want you to pee in are WAY too small for a pregnant woman and she is 100% guaranteed to pee on her hand. Every. Single. Time.

I Am Officially a Blogging SLACKER

Who knew getting pregnant with my sixth baby would slow me down so much?  Put your hands down, people. It was a rhetorical question.  Anyway, I can't believe how far behind I am.  I'm hanging my head in shame.  There's LOTS to tell, and I'm not crazy enough to think I can do it all. Instead, I'll post highlights from my facebook time line. At least I have that to jog my memory.  I did this on the hearing loss blog for posts that applied over there, too. It's just easier for now.  All that said, I promise to be a better blogger. Really.

I should add that the baby is a GIRL! Did I already announce that? Maybe so. I'm a walking brain fart these days. At any rate, she appears to be a healthy and very active little thing. She's wreaking havoc on my body, so I hope she's cute.  Anyway, on to the fun little updates.

January 17:
I don't want to freak anyone out or have people thinking the world is coming to an end, but Liam just put poop in the toilet instead of on the walls. IN THE TOILET, people!!! Could it be that we're nearing potty training and finally an end to the constant poocasso moments?!?!

February 2:

After Rachel's hearing test today, I took her upstairs in the hospital to see where the new babies are. There were tons of sweet, tiny, squishy, wonderful babies there. Rachel was impressed until she remembered that I have to have surgery to get the baby out. I'm not worried about it at all, but she is apparently very upset at the thought and has vowed never to have babies. Ever. I'm good with that.

February 8:

Aiden doesn't want to do chores, so I'm making him cut fresh garlic, onions, and vegetables for our turkey and vegetable chili for me instead. He's actually doing pretty well if you don't count the teary eyes. He's making a mess, though. Wait until he finds out he has to clean it up, though.

February 10:

Drezden was excited because he got to eat "Barbie Chicken" at school today. I think he means B-B-Q. Now he's trying to help me mate socks by putting them on his own feet to decide if they feel the same. Add that to his blue toenails and the fact that he woke up face down in a candy coma on Rachel's bare bed wearing a pair of her panties with the word "Princess" across the backside and I'm a little concerned. This kid has GOT to stop hanging out with his sister and get some guy friends.

February 13:

CJ finally lost his tooth last night that has been dangling for almost two weeks. Of course, he lost it in the middle of the night so the tooth fairy didn't make it and he's disappointed. Not to worry. The tooth fairy e-mailed his teacher to explain that she can come tonight if his room is tidy enough. He will be dying to come home to clean it. Everybody wins, right?

February 14:

Liam got off the bus today and promptly sang about three verses of Wheel on the Bus AND WE UNDERSTOOD HIM!! He added the /p/ sound at the end of beep and carried the tune. This was about the best Valentine we could ever have asked for. For a kid who just a couple months ago could say about 4 understandable words, this is really big. Little miracles happen each day.

February 15:

Our dog (who isn't very big) has a squeaky rubber chicken that she loves to play tug or fetch with. When she plays with Drezden, he just holds it and lays on his tummy. The dumb dog gets hold of the chicken and drags Drezden across the floor. Drezden thinks it's great fun and Byron and I enjoy the cheap entertainment.

I finally had a chance to sit and really look at the profile picture we got of the baby today. She has the same exact nose, mouth, and chin that Drezden has. The tech. also mentioned being able to see a dimple in her chin like he has. That means she's going to be stinking CUTE!! I'm a little excited.

I just found a letter in CJ's bag that a piece of his artwork was chosen to represent his school in a county-wide showing in Saint Charles and will be on display for the next month. Holy cow! The kid didn't even mention it to us.

February 21:

Fun Little Liam Update: He took me by the hand and walked to the refrigerator and said, "I want open". I opened it and he said "I want cheese". He was delighted that I understood and gave it to him. Then he said "Open please", which I gladly did for him. His speech is still mushy and a little hard to understand, but those are complete sentences, people! Complete sentences from the child who could barely put two sounds together to form a word six months ago. Never doubt miracles, my friends.

February 24:

I came home just in time to realize that I managed to run about a dozen errands with my maternity jeans on backwards. That, of course, included going to all the kids' schools. I can no longer mock CJ for his pants being on backwards.

My dog's only goal in life is to be best friends with the cat. Unfortunately the cat's only goal in life is to see the dog dead. This is obviously not going well for either one of them.

February 29:

Poor Liam stole some bologna fair and square from the fridge when I wasn't looking. He was proudly running away with it when the dog snuck up behind him and took it from him. It was the last piece in the house. Poor kid was crushed. Byron saved the day and brought more home for him to steal tomorrow.

March 2:

Me: Drezden, you are so cute! (He was eagerly cleaning the living room to earn a starburst).
Drezden: Oh, yes! I know I am. And I'm a rockstar, too. 
Apparently humility isn't one of his strong suits.

I was on the phone with my friend, Taffi, bragging about how well behaved Liam has been all afternoon. He's been cute and helpful and stayed out of trouble. As I was mid-conversation, I realized I had no idea where Liam actually was. Turns out he was in my room breaking a brand new bottle of nail polish all over the floor while painting his face with 24 hour lipstick that won't come off until at least tomorrow morning. Figures.  He also unfolded about four loads of neatly folded clothes waiting to be put away in that time. It was less than three minutes!!!!

So, that's all the updates for now. I'm setting a goal to be a better and more consistent blogger. We'll see how it goes.

Embarrassing Situation Narrowly Avoided

Anyone who knows me or who has followed my blogs long enough knows that I'm a pretty open book.  I'm like one big walking embarrassing moment after another and I'm usually pretty willing to share it.  If I don't do something to humiliate myself each day, my kids find a way to do it for me.  Yesterday's moment?  Well, that was all me.
One of the joys of pregnancy is that I get to pee in a cup every single time I go to the doctor. Don't be too jealous, folks. There is nothing classier than a woman who is approximately the size of a small satellite trying to pee into a cup the size of something meant for a Barbie tea party.  Anyway, I digress.
This doctor likes to have a sample from first thing in the morning after an overnight fast. Okay. I can do that. No big deal.  Yesterday morning I got up, got my sample ready,  got Liam off to school, woke up Aiden and the other kids, and got them off to school as well. It sounds simple, but getting that many kids up, dressed, fed, packed, and out the door WITH shoes and coats on is often easier said than done.  
Finally, after they were all off on their buses, I only had Drezden left to get to pre-school before rushing to my appointment.  I hurriedly packed his backpack, got all of my things together, and loaded into the car.  I dropped him off with his backpack and rushed off to my appointment.
When I arrived at the doctor's office, I realized to my horror that something was missing. My cup of pee!  Seriously?!? Where could it be?? And then I remembered the morning and even more horror washed over me. Drezden's backpack!!! How on earth could I possibly have left a cup of pee in my kid's backpack!?!?!? It was discreetly wrapped in a bag, but what if the teacher opened it?  What if she thought it was something other than pee and tried to serve it up as apple juice?  What if...?  Well, let's not even got there. 
I did my appointment, told the nurse where I thought the sample was, and provided another one all the while wishing I could get out of there and go get Drezden before something awful happened. I debated calling the school and telling his teacher about the mix-up, but what if she hadn't checked his bag?  What if, by the grace of God, I'd managed to leave it somewhere else or something?  Then I'd have fessed up and looked like a freak for no good reason.
Anyway, I finally make it to his school to pick him up and the teacher says "Oh! Drezden's main teacher put some paperwork in his backpack.".  Aaaahhhhhhh!!! She's been in the bag!!!  I grabbed his bag and looked. My bag wasn't in there. Had she found it and kindly thrown it out?  Oh my gosh! Did she find it and think it was a beverage??  I had to get home as soon as possible.  In my life, I've never prayed so hard to find a cup of pee sitting on my kitchen counter.
Finally, after what felt like a lifetime, I made it home.  My heart was racing as I ran in the door. There, sitting on my table, was my bag with my extra special little sample.  I've never been so relieved.  
So there you have it, folks. No matter how crazy or embarrassing your life gets today, just know that you didn't accidentally forget a urine sample and have to spend the whole morning worrying that your four year old was carrying it in his school backpack.

Time For Updates? I Should Say So!

Shame on me! I've been so busy being knocked up that I haven't taken the time to blog.  Well that is sure to change. There are lots of updates and funny stories to tell, and by golly, I'm going to tell them.  Little by little, of course. I'm amazing and everything, but I'm not super human.  Well, mostly not super human.  Until I have time to tell each individual story that needs to be told (and there are some doozies!), here are the updates.

• Baby in my tummy is a GIRL and she's doing GREAT!
• Liam turned three and is going to school full time and doing awesome at it.  His new implant surgery went well and is considered a success! Oh, and he's in Sunbeams at church and no one has killed him yet. Amazing!
• Byron's company is going through some big scary changes, but we feel like we'll be fine. We always are.
• Christmas went remarkably well. We simplified it this year and the kids had a great time.  We learned that the game, Don't Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus, can lead to great sibling rivalries (more to come on that story!).
• Aiden is busy, busy, busy with his drama club rehearsals. I imagine he'll be the best monkey Alladin has ever seen.
• CJ is loving cub scouting and hasn't accidentally shot anything...yet.
• Rachel has turned into the ultimate drama clean. Enough said.
• Drezden is cute as ever and talking a ton.  He may be shy, but he's learning to hold his own.
• Liam. Well, Liam is Liam. He's wild and crazy and messy and...well, perfect.

Okay, so those were boring updates I know. More to come very soon.  I promise! No really! It's true.

The Twelve Days of Christmas..and a True Friend Gave To Us

About a week ago, Rachel opened the door and exclaimed "presents!!"  I looked out the front door and was beyond stunned to see that there were indeed 12 beautifully wrapped gifts. Each was labelled with a number and a note attached.  We have no idea who it was, but someone found it in themselves to treat us to an amazing gift.

The children eagerly placed each present under the tree (except number twelve because that one said to put it in the freezer) and discussed what they thought could be inside each one.  The anticipation was killing them and the joy and delight was just oozing out of them.

We decided to put everyone's name in a bin and draw names each night to decide who would get to unwrap the gift of the day. Each night before bed, we sing a Christmas song together, say family prayer, and open the gift.  And each night I'm reminded of just how blessed we really are.

The gifts have been so cleverly chosen, each having its own little poem attached to it.  My favorite so far has been the fifth day of Christmas with a poem that says something to the affect of, "If hearing's not your thing, enjoy these golden chocolate bells even though they don't ring".  That one made me giggle and demonstrated just how much thought went into it all.

It hasn't even been about the gifts that has touched me so much.  (Although the gifts have been VERY generous and kind and I can only hope that we will someday be in a position to pay this gesture forward). It's the joy and togetherness that this has brought to us that I'm so grateful for.  We haven't missed a night of family prayer together, and we treasure that ten or fifteen minutes that we get to just be together enjoying each other's company.  We feel so loved and so blessed to know that, even our little family isn't forgotten this holiday season.  This has been so uplifting for us in the midst of Liam's surgery, and then repeat surgery, Byron's job being in jeopardy due to lay-offs, and just the general hustle and bustle of the holiday season.  I love that this gives us a moment each day to pause as a family and realize the true meaning of Christmas.  It's about giving and thinking of others and putting them before yourself.  Helping my children understand that through this anonymous giver's example is truly the best gift of all.

We don't know who you are, but we hope you are out there reading this somewhere.  We hope you know just how deeply grateful we are for your kindness and generosity.  We are beyond touched that you chose us to receive this amazing gift.  May you be blessed ten-fold for what you've done for us.