Saturday, May 31, 2008

Another Target Shopping Trip

It's been well over six months since we've had a full day of shopping with the whole family on a Saturday. Due to a lapse in judgement and an apparent bout of amnesia, the King and I decided to take all four kids and do a major shopping trip. We had not a crumb in the house and a lot of shopping to do. We also have a trip coming up soon that will involve an ocean, and decided we should have appropriate swimwear for our kiddos. Oh, and Snort has put on over nine pounds in two months and outgrown EVERY item of clothing he owns. Poor little porkchop baby.

So, we started by treating the kids to McDonald's. Somehow, even that turned into a whine fest. Number One wanted Mexican. Not to worry, though. I made clear that this is not a democracy but a dictatorship. I am the dictator. No one else gets a vote. Well, maybe the King, but even he only gets half a vote. So, I took a very happy Pretty and Beast and a sleeping Snort accompanied by a whining Number One. They all were in good spirits with a healthy serving of trans fats in them.

After that, we went to Target. WHAT WAS I THINKING?!?! Anyone who has read this blog knows that a trip with all four kids to Target leads to some completely shameful experience. Just as we pulled in, the McDonald's I'd just eaten decided to tell me it needed to come out NOW. Of course, as luck would have it, there was a line. Great. So, I have to have a stinky moment and there are people everywhere. And, since there is a line, it's painfully noticeable that I am the one in there taking a LONG time to complete my business and move on. And we won't even talk about the accoustics in public bathrooms. Suffice it to say I walked out and promptly searched for a paper bag to put over my head...and some air freshener to donate to the poor saps who came up in line behind me.

We then moved on to searching out swimwear for the kids. Since we'll be in an ocean, I figured the kids should each own two swimsuits. Number One has plenty, but the rest had none. We got the Beast his suit (and he proceded to remove every price tag so I got to sit there and figure out which one went to which). I was looking around at suits for Pretty and Snort at which point the King says loudly "Just get them one. Who cares if they crap in the ocean?" Okay, it's Saturday. The store is packed. People are now looking us over and taking a mental note that says something like "Note to self: NEVER swim with that family. They have highly questionable bathroom hygiene".

So, now the question that remains is whether it's worse to shop alone with the kids or with the King and the kids. Either way, I will invariably have some horrifying poop incident. The kicker is that Target didn't end our shopping trip. We still had to go to Wal-Mart. I won't even go into how that trip ended up.

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