Saturday, February 7, 2009

A Memo to the Legless People in the Wal-Mart Parking Lot

This is a memo to "those people" in the parking lot at Wal-Mart. They probably go to other parking lots, too, but they seem to be the worst at Wal-Mart.

Dear Legless Person in the Wal-Mart Parking Lot:

I was in that car behind you today. When you looked in your rearview mirror, that one mom you saw who was hauling half a dozen kids to Wal-Mart on Saturday was ME. I wanted to let you know I said a little prayer for you today. You poor, poor person. It must be so hard to have no legs. I can't imagine what a difficult situation it must be for you to accomplish basic day to day things like walking more than twenty feet from the parking lot to the door.

I have to admit that I was really impressed with how resourceful you are about simplifying your life, though. You are so smart to follow unsuspecting customers down the aisle of the parking lot so you can get their spot, which is a good two feet closer than the open spot right next to it. I love it that you make sure all of us around you are aware of your needs by parking smack in the middle of the aisle and waiting for the person in the spot you want to unload all 3, 756 grocery bags from her cart while at the same time trying to wrangle her children. While I'm sitting behind you unable to go down the aisle and find a spot for myself, I'm always thinking of you and your special needs. Typically, I'm thinking of the words I'd say to you should we bump into each other in the store. I have some special words just for you.

I also have to thank you for helping me with my own time management skills. When I happen to be the one in the spot you want, I so appreciate you sitting in your car holding up traffic for everyone else and actually watching me unload my groceries and my children. It's always a nice touch when you let out a visible sigh reminding me that you're waiting. What was I thinking taking so long??? Imagine how rude I feel when I realize that I'm holding you up and wasting your precious time. I can only assume that, in addition to not having legs to walk on, you have some horrible disease which is bound to kill you in the next two hours. How silly of me to have even considered that you'd be willing to park in one of the three billion other available spots. And, when I finally was ready to leave, and you left me blocked in because you saw another spot a couple feet down that you'd rather have and I got grumpy about that, I took the time to remember that you were simply reminding me that I need better time management. After all, if I'd just been a little faster, I'd have been able to get out before you changed your mind. Right?

Lastly, thank you for renewing my faith in prayer. After I said those few quiet words in your behalf, I saw you walking into the store. WALKING!! It's a miracle! Your legs do work!!! I know it's because of my one little prayer and the very special words I was thinking for you that you somehow found the strength to walk all the way into the store all by yourself.

Anyway, I just wanted to let you know I've noticed you and all the poor souls just like you who are kind enough to give me these life lessons every single time I go to Wal-Mart. I know who you are, and I just can't wait to have a chance to bump into you in person when we can exchange words and I can let you know just how impressed I am with you.



beckylou said...

Awesome. That was just awesome. :)

Dawn said...

Better words have never been spoken.

taffi said...

One more reason I worship you. :mwah:

Mattsmom said...

You rock! I usually don't pray for those people... I usually flip them off. It doesn't so any good...but it makes me feel better to have given them the obscene gesture. I better work on that.

ditndetes said...

Lol this is great!

Terri Grammer said...

Dude, I had to come back to this post. We totally ran into one of these people, at of all places ... Wal-Mart! He was parked in the middle of the aisle waiting for someone to load up and leave. I actually watched people back down the aisle to try another one-LOL I told dh he must be legless (told him I would explain later :P ) When he parked, not only was he walking, but he was in a WORK truck! This guy works for a living and was holding everyone up waiting for this one spot! *eye roll* Guess they live everywhere, huh?