Monday, June 28, 2010

I'm Not Judging, But...

Yesterday in Relief Society, one of the Sister M. Little gave a GREAT lesson on judging others. It was a wonderful reminder of what we should and shouldn't be doing. Because of that, I'm going to do my best to NOT judge the genius in question.

Actually, it probably isn't really judging when I have no idea who the person is, right? I didn't see, come in contact with, or witness the person I'm talking about. Since it's not a specific person I'm talking about, I can only assume it's safe to say how I really feel. (Like anything else has ever stopped me before, right?)

Liam had his 18 month well visit today. That meant hauling my sorry butt along with five little monkeys 45 minutes north of my current residence to where we just moved from. (We're in temporary corporate housing until we finally move to our new state in a few weeks). The kids did great this morning. They all got up, got dressed, and did as they were told so we could make the appointment in time. They were a little bit noisy while we waited in the exam room, but it wasn't anything to be ashamed of. Overall, they did great. Things continued to go well during Liam's examination as the doctor informed me that he's doing great, looks totally healthy, and is right on course for living a "normal" life.

Then we stepped out of the office. Literally. We just had to step outside the office building to have something go wrong. Drezden was making every effort to be a good boy and make great choices when he suddenly stepped in the result of someone else's not so great choice. Gum. Sticky, gooey, germy, melting in the sun, nasty GUM.

He didn't tell me he'd stepped in the gum. That would be too easy. Instead, he quietly walked to the van, climbed into my seat, and stood up. This resulted in gum all over my seat. He couldn't stop there, either. He had to try to clean his shoe...with his hand. In seconds, there was gum all over his hands, which he tried to wipe off on his shorts and shirt. You can only imagine how this ended up. Just picture the worst imaginable story line for "If You Give a Mouse a Piece of Gum and Erase All Common Sense From His Mind So He Decides to Drop It On the Ground Right Outside a Pediatric Office". I'm pretty sure that's the next title in the "If You Give a Mouse" series of books.

Okay. I'm not judging the original gum chewer here, but SERIOUSLY????!?!?! Really, dude? You couldn't find a tissue to wrap your gum in? Or swallow it? Or put it in a flower bed at the very least?? You really just had to put it on the sidewalk right outside a medical office that children come in and out of?

I mean, come on people! I am going to avoid judging here, and try to put myself in the shoes of the original gum chewer. I can only assume you had a valid reason for dumping your nastiness right where some kid (namely mine) was bound to walk. I will simply assume you were innocently chewing gum when you suddenly saw me across the parking lot. Obviously my radiant beauty took you by surprise so much that you choked on your gum. You were so desperate to live that you allowed some good samaritan walking by to perform the heimlich maneuver on you, right? During that moment, the gum went flying from your mouth, but you were so glad to be alive that you forgot all about picking it up. Plus, you were in a rush to track me down and get my number. You must not have found me because you never did ask for my number. What? Was my beauty so much that it actually intimidated you? Yeah. I get that a lot. I'm working on toning it down, but nothing seems to work.

If by some odd chance the above scenario isn't what happened, and you were just too freaking lazy to actually throw your gum away, then I'm totally judging. Shame on you, freak!! Because of you, I had to drive home sitting on documentation about childhood immunizations so that my butt wouldn't be permanently attached to the seat. Seriously, dude. I'm judging. You suck.

Okay, that was uncalled for. You don't suck. Still, if I find out who you are, you are totally off my Christmas card list. So there!

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