Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Final Decision

Well, I'm not happy about it, but that's okay. The school knows I don't like it, and being the stubborn pain in the butt that I am, that's oddly good enough for now.

The final consolation is that Aiden gets to count yesterday's time in the office as a full day, so he can go back to class on Friday morning instead of half way through the day. They're still calling it three full days of suspension and I still think that's too excessive and they still think they're right and I still know they're not right and really no one is going to agree on this. We could chase our tails all day and make no progress, but who does that benefit (other than me for getting to give myself a new tiara that reads "Meanest Mom in the World, But Only When You Tick Me Off)?

The truth is that I would back down if Dr. C. required to apologize to Aiden. I want him to learn that even adults make mistakes and need to be held accountable for it. What Aiden said was dumb and his timing was even worse. I get that. Aiden hurt another boy's feelings and he had to apologize in person and in writing. Dr. C. said she KNEW he intended a racist comment. She was wrong about that. She owes him, not me, an apology in writing and in person. It doesn't have to be huge. It can be something to the affect of "Aiden, I said something about you when I didn't know all the facts. What I said was untrue and hurtful, and I'm sorry. I hope you will forgive me." Really, that's all I want. More than the suspension being taken away, more than the embarrassment he feels, more than anything else, I want her to apologize.

So, that's where we are. He misses the choir concert. He spends another day in ISS doing useless busy work. He goes back to class on Friday. Mrs. T., I know you're reading this. Am I correct in understanding he can go to drama club practice Friday morning then?

And, while we're on the subject of Mrs. T. and Dr. R., I want the record to show that for as much as I disagree with their decision, I appreciate them listening to me and putting up with my constant interjections and arguments. (I didn't mention to them that I was really into debate in college, and have a had a high win rate. Poor girls!) I may not have won the whole battle, but I didn't go down without a fight. They remained professional and held their tongues when I'm confident they were thinking "Dang! Mrs.Supermom totally didn't take her happy pills today." I will never see eye to eye with them in THIS situation, but am confident there will be lots of other areas we can agree on.

Either way, I did what I felt was best for my son. I'm a tough, sometimes grumpy (shocking, right?) mom. I expect more of Aiden than I do of any other child. He sacrifices a lot for the best interest of his siblings, usually without being the option of not sacrificing those things. At the end of the day, though, he is mine. And I love him. I love him with every bone in my body. And I trust him. I know his character and I know who he really is. I have taught him about acceptance sensitivity. And, when his character was questioned, I defended him. I stood up for him. If I were to die tomorrow, I would die knowing he KNOWS I know who he is. And I am proud of the son I've raised. He is taking his consequence, unfair as it may be, like a man. He knows what he said was wrong and why. In the end, isn't that what this was all about anyway?

1 comment:

AimeeTheSuperMom said...

And the final piece. Here it is:

I got Dr. Carter to understand where I was coming from. She stands by her assertion that this was racial persecution, and I said that was fine. I didn't dispute that (even though I think it's a BIG stretch). I said that I told her yesterday that I didn't think he meant that and her immediate response was "Yes. He did". I told her that she no more knew Aiden's intentions than she could pick him out of a crowd. I was calm and respectful and listened, but I held my ground. (She was much tougher than the principal was.) She said she didn't mean it that way. I said Aiden also didn't mean it the way his comment came out, and he had to apologize. I said I'd take a month of suspension for an apology for doubting his character. The punishment is excessive, but it's not worse than the suggestion that an 11 year old who has NEVER been in trouble for anything intended to hurt another child because of his race. I explained that it sounded to me like she had already made up her mind that he had ugly, ill intentions. Finally she got my point. And she apologized to me. I don't think she understood the depth to which I needed her to understand that what she said was equally as hurtful as what Aiden said. It wasn't intended to be hurtful when she said it, but it was unacceptable. Anyway, it's over. I will not fight this any further. I've wasted a LOT of energy on it, and that isn't good for anyone. It's time to take a deep breath and move on.