Just Paint a Big Black "X" On My Door

Every time a couple adds a new child to their home, they bring home millions and millions of something else:GERMS!!! We decided to have a baby just as winter was starting, so we got have some bonus germs. It's just a free gift that comes from having winter babies, kind of like when you're lucky enough to inherit head lice upon having your hair cut at some hole-in-the-wall barber shop where the stylist is older than dirt.

If you're one of my most loyal readers, you know that Snort got horribly sick over Christmas. That was adequately traumatic for me, but the Good Lord decided that I needed more opportunities for growth and learning patience. That, or He is complimenting me by giving me a ton to handle because He was just so sure I could handle it all. Remind me to return the compliment sometime.

Shortly after Snort recovered from his near-death experience, he came down with RSV. Luckily, though, it only resulted in him needing some breathing treatments. He was basically okay, and we decided to just stay indoors for a while. Well, I think we might have banned by the rest of society because Snort was carrying the RSV germ. It's just about the same thinging as wearing a scarlet letter.

During the same time that all these ailments were happening, he was also growing an umbilical hernia. It looked something like this:

The doctor told me to expect it to get bigger, which it did. And I didn't worry too much about it, though I did think it was really ginormous. Please note that when your child's umbilical hernia starts to look like a grown man's erection is coming out of his belly, this is NOT a normal thing. For those who still can't picture it, this is what it looked like:




When the pediatrician walked in for Snort's two month well check, I had to pick her eyeballs up off the floor and reinsert them for her. One look at that hernia, and she immediately referred us to a pediatric surgeon, who wanted to see him almost immediately. The surgeon saw him on Friday, and had the surgery scheduled for Tuesday of last week. Can we say FAST? Apparently, Snort's bowel was getting caught up in it, so he couldn't poop. I know it's not healthy not to poop, but it does save money on diapers. (Hey! It's important to find the positive in everything.)

It's been over a week since the surgery, and his belly now looks like this:

It would seem that we should be delighted to finally be through all of that. After all, the child is only twelve weeks old. Not so, my friend. Not so. Just as he was getting back to being a baby, we noticed him wheezing. Again. Off we went to the pediatrician. And what to my wandering mind should appear? Pneumonia was once again here. Back to breathing treatments we went. He's getting better now. Slowly, but surely.

What Snort doesn't know is that he has a hypospadias. Don't know what it is? Google search it. You're in for a real treat. Just know that his is a mild case, and not so scary-looking. But, it still needs to be operated on. That's coming up in the next couple of weeks.

As if all that wasn't enough, Number One has developed a fine case of the flu, and has been home from school since Tuesday. He could have gone back today, but I figured he'd be stoned for carrying a germ with him to the classroom. So, we'll let him go back tomorrow.

I'm pretty sure my children are going to single-handedly put my pediatrician's children through college. It's my opinion that children born into this home have some sort of germ magnet attached to them somewhere that I just haven't found yet.

Next week, I figure we should be hit with something great like the Bird Flu or West Nile virus, or Anthrax or maybe the Bubonic Plague. Ooooh! Won't that be fun!!!! Or, maybe we'll step out the front door and be struck by lighting. Either way, I've been working long and hard into the wee hours of the morning to construct a bubble to put them in. Until then, I'm just going to paint a big black X on my door.