Thursday, February 28, 2008

I've Attempted to Publish Some Writing

The King told me about Each week, another topic is posted for people to write in about. It always has to do with parenthood. So, I submitted the following story. Oh yeah, it really did happen. Honestly, I couldn't make this stuff up if I wanted to. Anyway, this one happened just a few weeks before Snort was born. And, I've posted one for this week's contest. The situation from this week's fine little gem happened last school year. If y'all are patient with me, I can post the picture that goes with it tomorrow. I'll post the link at the end of this story.

So, without further ado, here's the story from a few weeks ago:

Gifts For The Neighbors

We live in a small home on a small street in a small neighborhood in a small town somewhere in a not-so-small state. Part of being in a small neighborhood like our's is that everyone knows each other. If you are us, however, more people know you a lot better than you'd like them to. This is because of the three children you already have, and the one that's on the way.

Our children seem to stay up at night thinking of ways in which they can thoroughly humiliate us without us having a chance to stop them. Usually, their plans are successful and result in me having to hide in a deep, dark hole which I've dug in the backyard. This particular day was no different.

The Beast (that's my four year old) is more than your ordinary outside-the-box thinker. Common sense isn't in his vocabulary. Add to that the fact that this child can get past any lock, and you begin to get the idea of what sort of child we're dealing with. Honestly, this kid is so good at getting past locks that he could have gotten out of Alcatraz faster than those other guys, and he wouldn't have gotten wet in the process. Anyway, I digress.

I was napping one afternoon this past fall as I was pregnant out to next year with my fourth baby. The Beast took this as an opportunity to work his magic. Quietly, he snuck into my locked bedroom and into my husband's "romance drawer" and found our "balloons". You all know what I'm talking about. Condoms. Clearly we weren't using them anyway. I was, afterall, pregnant AGAIN. Delighted with his latest find, the Beast proceeded to my side of the bed and raided my Mommy stash. Nothing says "success" like a condom and a handful of M&M's, right?

After such a great find, one would assume he'd stop there, right? Oh no. Not my beast. He has to go one step further. Seeing that I was in a blissful slumber, he opted to get the broom handle and unlock the very high chain keeping the door closed and him inside. (I'll have to thank his older brother for teaching him about that later). Once the door was opened, and he was safely outside, he decided it would be a great time to visit the neighbor and bring him a gift. Luckily, I had heard the door open when he went out, though I was still in a groggy state.

As I got to the door, and saw what he was doing, my heart sank. There, standing at the neighbor's door, was my Beast. But what was that he was holding behind his back? Imagine the horror that went through my mind when I realized what had happened. My beloved Beast had taken my husband's Extra Large Trojan's, filled one with as many M&M's as he could find, and had gone to the neighbor to present him with a gift he'd never forget.

And this is why it's never wise to live in a small house on a small street in a small town when you have a small person with really BIG ideas.

And the link for this week's submission: (except that I think I may have shown how much I need to learn how to do things because following this link may prevent you from voting for the one YOU like best...which doesn't have to be mine).


Blackeyedsue said...

ROFL!!! The Beast never ceases to amaze me. I LOVE that you submitted this. TFS!

Rachelle said...

LOL! I'd love that gift.