A Memo to the Staff

Dear Staff-
As we embark upon the new school year, a few small details have come to my attention which I think you might benefit from hearing. Please know that this is meant only as constructive criticism. It would benefit you all greatly to refrain from falling to the floor screaming and crying.

Number One-Please note that the Golden Rule works two ways. I will treat you the way you wish to be treated, but you also have to treat me the way you would like to be treated. Contrary to popular belief, I am not your slave. You are responsible to clean up after yourself or run the risk of your treasured toys, books, and thingamabobs being damaged or eaten by the other small humans in the house.

Beast-While your efforts at freshening up the air in the house are greatly appreciated, garlic cloves are not typically a great choice from a room scent. Even vampires avoid it. Next time you decide to freshen your room, please consult with management before opting to grind a whole head of garlic into various special places in your room.

Pretty-Gymnastics is a wonderful skill, but is generally preferred during your waking hours. Please refrain from demonstrating your gymnastics skills when you're sleeping in my bed with me. While I love watching your tricks, it is often difficult to do with the black eye you gave me in your sleep.

Snort-How helpful of you to be so willing to wash you sister and brothers' toothbrushes. While it is deeply appreciated, we would prefer that you wash them in the sink rather than the toilet with yellow water in it. There may be some cultures that find this practice acceptable, but the culture you live in is not one of them. Thanks for your efforts on this one.

Little Guy-Dang you're cute! We'd like to keep you alive for a while, so if you could please limit the number of times you wrap your tubing around your neck and body in a ten minute span, I'd really be delighted.

Thanks for all your willingness to work on these small little issues. I'm sure everyone will be much happier to see these improvements.

-The Management