Thursday, May 27, 2010

More Lessons From the Apartment Complex-Teenage Pregnancy Crisis Averted

I continue to learn more and more exciting things as I reside in this fine establishment with my five children. The most recent lesson was a lesson in love as taught by the horny teenagers about fifteen years old sitting in the poolside hot tub.

When the kids and I arrived, the pool wasn't very busy at all. There were just a few adults there. Rachel and CJ prefer to swim in the hot tub (which really isn't very hot unless you sit in the same spot some urinating kid was just in) because it's smaller and more shallow. Since there were only two teenagers in the pool, I decided it was a good place to let them play. So, Aiden swam in the big pool while I sat in the hot tub with CJ, Rachel, and Drezden.

Now, I was a hormonally charged teenager just like many other youth are, but I had the common sense to control myself in front of adults. These two fine upstanding future parents were apparently not blessed with the common sense to control their urges when adults and young children were present. So, as I sat there with my children, I became more and more aware of their desires.

There were tongues flapping everywhere. There was grabbing. I'm sure she meant to grab his beach ball rather than his other ones. It's a mistake anyone could have made, right? There was carressing. And there was vomiting. Drezden was the one vomiting. He swallowed a little too much pool water. Even the entire contents of my kid's stomach didn't turn these two love birds off.

I was pretty sure she was about to become this kid's baby mama right before my eyes when all of a sudden their friends came to join them in the pool. Apparently her boyfriend's best friend also happened to be her brother. Within about a minute, her boyfriend and brother were discussing their recent "scoping" outcomes. They explained to her that scoping is when you "roll on over to yo school and check out the honies. Baby, a dude has needs, too. I'm just lookin', baby. Not touchin'." This led to an argument regarding loyalty, cheating, and something about the fact that the boyfriend could just go on home and do his mama's chores like he planned 'cuz he ain't gettin' nothin' from his woman tonight.

The next thing I knew, the girlfriend who was ready moments before to give up her virginity (I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt here) was storming out of the pool while her boyfriend sat in the pool with his peeps. After she left, her brother divulged all the fact about how "she's still talking to dudes on the phone, man. She ain't loyal to you. Dude, your relationship ain't go no hope". Really? No hope? It looked very deep and based and true love from where I was sitting.

At any rate, I can only assume it was really a blessing. It was probably a teenage pregnancy crisis averted.

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